What Anxiety means to me

OK before I get started let me make it clear I am not looking for pity. I dont need it, and I dont want it. That is often a reaction I get from people who do not understand Anxiety. It is often hard to describe and dose not make seance unless you go threw it your self. I have spent enough time pitying my self for having it. I dont need it from some one else. It is not a good feeling. I blog to help others suffering and to hopeful in my words and threw my Experience   try to help create a better understanding . I use to feel like Anxiety meant weakness. Its not. I am a fighter. And Hears why. I wake up each morning knowing the challenges that lay ahead. Knowing 99% of my problems are something I am creating in my head. Knowing I do not think ,or function the way most do. A simple task such as taking my son to school can be sometimes a challenge. I will hussel out the door worrying I am late. I will confirm with my husband several times what time school or any other  task takes place. I worry about going, I worry about being late. I ask the same questions,  I confirm things Several times. such as if I am going to go meet a friend I ask are we  still on? and at this time right? and we are meeting hear right? Because I worry  that is all part of anxiety, And I am searching for some kind of reinsurance to calm my on my mind. I am a fighter because I wake up each morning feeling like I need to be strong. I fight because I have a lot to fight for. I have 2 beautiful children who need me and I'll be damned if I let anxiety keep me from that. I am far from perfect and someday Anxiety  holds me back. I have good days,bad days ,and rely rely bad days. But why I may fall one day I will rise and push threw the next. Because that is what I need to do. Because I have a husband who loves me and he struggles at time understanding why I am having such a hard time , But he is still hear for me . He is  reason to fight. I have felt held back and consumed by this anxiety  it can feel like it is swallowing you whole . Like you can see the light at the end of the tunle but it has chained you to the bottom of the big black pit. I know the struggles all to well. Anxiety to me means working extra hard. It means being a fighter. Because I know there is a whole wonderful life out there waiting for me. I know if I let it, it will not hesitate to take control of my life. Like the Title of my blog says
" I have anxiety but that is not who I am."  Anxiety can often leave you feeling like you have nothing to fight for. It is a lie. It is a delusion Anxiety creates. I often find my self overwhelmed  having to literally stop and remember to breath. sometimes something like taking that deep breath is enough to keep me grounded. Find things that keep you Grounded. For me going for a drive with the windows down, Going out side  and feeling the grass in between my toes, Or the sunlight on my face, Opening my blinds so the sun reaches in. Also  playing ball with my dog. How funny that one may seam to some. But no joke as much as my dog loves it I in away need it to. So  what anxiety mean for me is fighting. Fighting to live a life in peace. For me waking up and putting on my game face is how I deal with the day. Find ways to remind you it is worth fighting for no matter how exhausting it may be. 

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