Being a mother with Anxiety and Depression

I want to start this  post out by saying being a mother in its own  comes with difficulties. I also want to start out by saying being a mother is one of the most challenging yet rewarding gifts I have ever received. I have struggled with my Anxiety  for a long while. It is an on going battle that I will face the rest of my life. My oldest Kid is 8 years old right now. I feel like yes there are still challenges and difficult times behind  but I also have a little better understanding of my Anxiety. It is still something I will never fully grasp. Every day I work on it . I am going to get into something personal but I also feel like it is something women should hear, And be aware of.  I only have 2 children. I am also from Utah. Utah is a state where you get married young I was 20 years old and you also have LARGE family's.  How ever I do see a change in the trend with fewer large family's. I still get asked if I am going to have more children. My answer is no. Do not get me wrong if some how I was blessed once more with a baby Id  welcome it . But we are not trying. And hear is why. I already dealt with a grate deal of anxiety before  having children after each one of my children's birth my Anxiety intensify  I also both times went threw some kind of postpartum .
post·par·tum de·pres·sion
noun
  1. depression suffered by a mother following childbirth, typically arising from the combination of hormonal changes, psychological adjustment to motherhood, and fatigue.

 It got so bad at one point I could not leave my house. I have felt for along time that it was not ok for me to speak of this. Even thinking about that time of my life  Brings me to tears where I should of been at my highest I was at my lowest. I had  this beautiful baby  who's face represented heaven it's self and I was soo sad. I new something was very wrong. And I sought out help. Please mothers do not feel ashamed postpartum is a very very common thing. Alot goes untreated  for that very feeling I had. *Guilt*  Cut your self some slack your body had just created a life and has been threw a huge change. There is no way you can control all that, and all the hormones that come with it.  If you notice these feelings do not hesitate in seeking help from your doctor ,When I had my secant child I noticed I was doing the same thing and I sought help a lot sooner.  My husband and I decided two children were fine for us. I need to take care of my self so that I can take care of my children. If I do not take care of my own mental health and take time out for my self what good am I to any one? I struggle at times going in to a crowded store. It worsens when I get to the check out line because I am at a stand still with a bunch of other people behind and in front of me. Why I know this is my Anxiety it dose not help or make anything better. I have had to take the kids and ditch my shopping kart with groceries. I have posted in another post I have good days and bad days. Just because I managed to do it one day dose not make it any easier  the next. And I know my struggle ares inconvenient for my family. It bothers me that I have these some what limitations so to say. I anger my self, I get frustrated. But my number one goal  and focus is on my children, I will push my self for my kids. They are my everything. I do not want my anxiety to effect them though I know it sometimes dose. But I will keep trying my best. I will keep pushing my self . I know some days are not going to be fantastic, I will struggle . I can not live my life beating my self up for something that is out of my hands, for something I have no control over.  All I can do is try. I want to be happy, I want to live my life, I want to help guide my children and be there for my children. I want to provide and give them  a happy life. And so that is what I am going to do. please keep in mind when reading my blog I am speaking from my own experience that dose not mean it is the same for every one who suffers from anxiety or depretion. follow my blog from the begin  for a better understanding of what Anxiety is.

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