People can surprise you

When I went back to work after being a stay at home mom who suffers from anxiety My thoughts were pretty negative. I went in expecting to fail. At everything. Most of all I went in thinking I couldn't   count on any one there. Anxiety can do all of the above to you. fill your head full of doubt  connecting with people can be very   hard . The feeling of you fitting in or belong is also not there. I still have days where I struggle. I always will that's just how a person who has been diagnosed with an anxiety  disorder lives. Good days, Bad day's, As much as I want it to its not going to just go away. It is a part of who I am, But its not who I am .  Though it may seam small to some have over come a very big obstetrical by going back to work. And this is in a very humble way of me saying this but I am proud of my self. The struggle and fear is Very ,Very real and I am doing it. I keep fighting to go and I still get nervous though theirs no reason to. Iv also  decided to put my self out there and try to make friends and I think I have. I also worry very much about still being able to support my kids In there  projects they do after school. I first felt like no one will care that I am missing my sons awards at scouts and no one would want to take over part of my shift. This is just my  Anxiety way of thinking. Its not the right way to think but thats how I do it. So when a co worker  says yes Ill take your shift even if they just need more hours it shocks me. When I am struggling at understanding and some one  takes the time out  of what they are doing at work to help me it shocks me. I have come  to feel like I do have family and friends to support me. I haven't felt like I have in a very long time.  I can close my self off  very easy and very fast. Its not healthy   but the support I have been feeling should be acknowledged  and I am thankful for small acts of kindness for people helping me and telling  me to keep going .

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